Is it Culture, Craziness, or my Naivety?

Maybe I haven’t been exposed to enough cultures. Maybe I have been sheltered in the eight different places I have lived. Or possibly I surround myself with a certain type of people so I have never been exposed to this lifestyle / mentality before. I do not want to put the blame on small town Costa Ricans just because I have never been surrounded by something like this before. However, it is new to me and something I am not very fond of. Costa Ricans seems to accept it as part of life. They gossip about it everyday and speak badly about the people behind their backs, but for the most part, they accept it. If they didn’t accept it, don’t you think they would do something to change it?

Now I know you are wondering what on earth I am talking about. However, I don’t know of a proper word. Infidelity only describes part of it. Fatherhood, motherhood, and out of wedlock births are only another part. If you add all these up, combine parts, and multiply the lies, then maybe you can begin to paint a small picture. The best way to explain it is to describe it. I’ll start with one I can partly, only partly, I mean a really small part, justify in my head. Now pay attention, it gets confusing. It took me almost two years to finally figure this one out.

A husband (Man 1) beats his wife (Woman 1). The wife leaves him. * This is the part I get. Especially in a country where the woman 99% of the time NEVER leave the men* She starts seeing a man (Man 2) who caught his wife (Woman 2) in bed with another man. Woman 2 goes off with this bed man. Neither Man 2 nor Woman 2 raises their kid and he has to live with his grandparents occasionally seeing his dad and never his mom. Later, Woman 1 leaves Man 2 to get back together with her husband Man 1. He actually changed, and because he is the rightful husband in the eyes of the Catholic Church and she loves him, they make it work. Now Man 2’s family views Woman 1 as a horrible person because she went back with her husband. They don’t view Woman 2 as a horrible person and allow her to go to her son’s graduation even though Man 2, their son, can’t be in the same room as her because he pictures her in bed with another man. Man 2 does not go to his son’s graduation for this reason. I know it’s confusing. That’s why it took me awhile to figure out.

Then, I find out that Man 1 may have fathered a child before he got married. That’s not so bad. The sad part is that people don’t know who the father is so they gossip. I hear this once a day about a different person. “They say so-and-so (the woman’s husband) is not the child’s father, but rather so-and-so (another woman’s husband). Then they talk about how the kid even looks like the other man. I know I don’t have kids but wouldn’t you want to know who your Childs father is? Also, don’t the children wonder why they look like another man that’s not their dad? The even sadder thing is that people are not discreet when talking. These children and youth hear things.

I could list a dozen more examples of spouses swapping spouses in secrecy, husbands going after their wives sisters, men leaving their wives and 8 children for their neighbor and going to live in the town next door, and men fathering kids outside their marriages. Just yesterday I asked why there was a strange car and man outside the church. He was waiting for his young girlfriend in my town so his wife 20 minutes away wouldn’t see them. If everyone in my town knows, don’t you think his wife does too?
Now, I don’t want to spread the gossip or speak badly about others. I feel bad even writing this entry. However, at the same time it is part of what I am experiencing here. I just don’t understand, and haven’t for awhile so I want to talk it out. These stories are coming from just my three small towns. Maybe it’s different in other places or less severe. I know some things happen from other volunteers stories. That is why I wonder if it is a question of culture. Maybe this is part of the Costa Rican culture, and I am pushing my white, suburban American, middle class values on them. Maybe it’s a question of morals. I value family, faithfulness, and honesty. Maybe in the newer generations of Costa Rica they have lost these values. I know the old generation still values them. However my generation and my parent’s generation here in my small towns do not. The last thought I have is about religion. Almost all of the families I am speaking of are Catholic, or say they are Catholic. Catholicism does not recognize divorce. Many couples I believe would get divorced if they could afford it, and wouldn’t be ostracized by other church members. Also, if you repent right before you die, you are saved and go to heaven. Who cares how you live your life as long as you recognize you were bad before you die.

September 9th

What on earth is Kids Day? I guess it is like Mothers Day or Fathers Day, but honestly what is the point? Why do children who only go to school three hours a day four days a week need a special day just for them? In a culture with very high rates of diabetes personally I do not feel children should be given cake, ice-cream, and candy as well as the day off from classes. Shouldn’t we be celebrating the teachers? Also, small schools that can barely buy supplies, and just got a computer that is a month later out of ink, should not be spending money on such foolish activities. Than the children have the nerve to ask for a gift (because they are used to it), and parents with kids not in the school have the nerve to tell the teachers they need to buy another cake. Somehow I feel this may be unique for my town. They want to get as much as they can for as little as they can from anyone.

Than I calmed myself down and got to thinking. Is there a “Kids Day” in the States and I forgot about it? No, that can’t be. Field Day popped in my mind but I just can’t compare them. Field Day is organized, with food from the cafeteria and I can’t remember gifts. The thought of gifts reminded me of BINGO put on by the PTA. Did everyone get a gift or just the winners? Were there snacks? Did my parents have to buy my BINGO card or make a prize donation? So many questions but the one thing I know is that it was at night and not the teachers’ responsibility.

So, I did what any normal modern day age girl would do. I looked it up on the internet. Just kidding! I wrote a note on a post it (that my friends had to bring me from the states) to look it up once I took the bus to internet. So, with no internet I started asking around. Why on earth does this day exist? I found out that every school does it different, but some form of extra special food, no classes, and a gift are involved. I also got more specific reasons. I still plan to look it up online, but here is what I have so far:
- The teachers invented the day to give themselves another day where they don’t have to teach.
- Back when families didn’t celebrate Christmas with gifts and families were very poor it was the only method for children to receive a toy or gift.
- Communism


Now I know your thinking, Victoria, come on, there just kids, let them have their one day. But it’s not like that. They have plenty. There is “Kids Day” “Happy Day” when school is almost over, the before vacation party, and a formal graduation party. I think they are okay. Especially considering the amount of class time they receive and a continuation rate of less than 30% of sixth graders going to high school. Not to mention the school management group always being low on funds, I think they should maybe rethink this day.

Than I was talking to another volunteer friend and she yelled at me. Apparently I am the only one who does not like this day. I think this is just another reason why my town is different. She pointed out that a lot of kids do a lot of work with their parents in the house or fields and deserve a day. Another volunteer said well, why not? They need to know hey are special and have rights too. That is a very good point. Maybe if they turned half the day into educational things for kids on their rights and resources and the other half play time I would feel better about this. Possibly it is just because I was rubbed wrong when the kids asked for gifts and a mother told the teacher she needed to buy another cake. Now that I am at internet I will look into the historical reason to have this day and get back to you all. Maybe.

Would you like to help my school?

Hello friends and family and anyone reading this.

I am sorry your weather may be turning cold but this is great news for me. Why, because you may not need some of your old summer clothes. Also, you may be doing some in between season changing of closet. So….

If you have clothes that:

* You don’t want
* Don’t fit anymore
* Think are ugly
* Think are tacky
* Are really old
* Are from your children who are now 28
* You are moving
* You just want to downsize

Or

* You want to help out a small poor school in a small town in Costa Rica


Please send your clothes to my post office box in Costa Rica.

Now I don’t want to take away from the needy of our states and I know there will be local coat drives for the winter. Also, to keep expenses down for you all I am not asking for your closet. If you could fill one small box, or more if you don’t mind the postage fee, with ANY TYPE of warm weather or rain clothing that would be great. Costa Ricans LOVE clothes from the states.

The school will be using the clothes to sell, very cheaply, and the money will then go to help buy much needed material for the school. Like tables, books, paper and art supplies. Very cheaply like a dollar or two so even the poorest family can buy them. They do clothing fundraisers about once a year and did them before I got here. It is part of their culture. With your help we can make it even better this year.

Please send your donation of any style of clothes to:
Victoria Leibman
Apartado 913-8OOO
Perez Zeledon, SanJose
San Isidro, 119O1
Postmarked by September 21st please.

Tank you bunches and tell everyone you know!
LOVE,
Victoria, the teachers at my school, and all 64 of my kiddies.

The Final Product!

The actual new tank, with water!

Construction of the tank


The old tank

Cultural Stuff

We just had a small party to celebrate the completion of the water tank. I love how Costa Rica functions. I get woken up at 6:45am to be informed that there is a meeting the same day at 2pm. I have to change my entire day around. It literally throws me into an all day jam packed schedule, which I like, just wasn’t expecting. I get to the meeting at 2 and of course it’s not a real meeting. It’s a party with Johnny Walker Red Label, boiled green bananas, yucca, salad, chicharron, and of course Coke. It’s not a party unless you have coke. We are celebrating the completion of the new water tank and the Vice President of the local water maintenance agency will be here soon with the guy who helped over see the builders. I love how small town groups work. Then, after two hours my mind starts drifting, as it often does at parties. I start to wonder… How on earth can the VP just take 3-4hours out of her work day to come hang out and eat with us, a small town group of 7 members? Does this happen in the states at all? I am not educated on business in the U.S, but I like that is happens here. It made me smile.
Then, I leave the “meeting” to go have “coffee” at an elderly couple’s house who I know very well. I show up 20 minutes late and have to leave within 15 minutes to get to English class. That just illustrates the type of day it is. I also had to call that morning to say I couldn’t make it at 3 but more like 5. Well, two things culturally interesting happen here. First, I don’t drink coffee and the entire population of my two towns knows this. However, it is there cultural duty, no matter where I go, to joke about this for a good 5-10 minutes. No lie. While we are joking about my disgust of coffee they are also calling me an ugly little girl. A normal person may get upset but I understand the culture and am very flattered. You see, only pretty girls get called ugly to their faces. Maybe it’s a way to knock them down a few notches. In case you don’t believe me the old grandpa reassured me as I was leaving that he was just joking. Now my favorite part about this is that it was their first time joking about me being “ugly.” It is also the first time they have seen me in two months, with make-up on, and much heavier. To them, heavier is healthier, and healthy is pretty. Now don’t think I got out of there without eating and drinking something, that would be rude.
Next I walk down to English. I get there on time but the woman’s group calls an emergency meeting. For 20 minutes (I was checking my watch) of class time mind you, we made five major decisions. I am very proud of the woman’s group and how they have been working to better educate themselves. So the decisions… The second class of the candle making course was postponed, as well as English class, for two weeks in order to make way for the 44 hour government certified small business course. I am going to have a busy two weeks. I was about to start my class when the president of the community group shows up and gives me an announcement to read and then directions for a meeting Friday night and what I need to say, insane. I was then able to start English class.
Finally class is over and I go to my rides house. Yes, I finally have a ride home. You know a town cares about you when they hold a meeting in one group to solicit another group to figure out the transportation of the volunteer. They don’t want me walking home alone on the highway at night. I am truly touched and grateful they are looking out for me. Also, this makes the family at home happy as well. I know it is the best thing for my safety and this is why I have not fought it. The truth is that is makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I like to arrive home safe and quick but who knows what these poor people are paying my chauffeur. I used to walk up the hill with my students. Now I feel silly to tell them, “You go ahead, I have a ride.” Also, I am missing some much needed exercise. Even though it is awkward and I miss out on conversation it is definitely for the best. It also brings me to the last cultural points of the day. One is small and cute and the other just so simple.
First, the man who drives me home never, ever, drives me home alone. His son’s take turns riding with him. That way, a married man is not seen alone with a woman who is not his wife. I also sit in the back to make it perfectly clear.
Second, culturally it is expected to start a conversation discussing the weather. Believe me, I tried to skip that step and I was greeted with silence. The old schoolers will hear nothing else.

Out With the Old, In With the New

I am free!! I left the crazy lady behind and now live in peace. Don’t you think a Peace Corps Volunteer should live in peace? Living with a very difficult person hopefully has taught me a lot about myself and interacting with others that I will later be able to reflect upon. However, at this moment, all it has taught me is that for my own tranquility in life I cannot live with any more Costa Rican woman. Many female volunteers have issues with living with the Costa Rican women, not just me. Often times the daughters get jealous of their mothers relationship with the volunteer. Other women treat the volunteers like their child. Babying them and not allowing freedom. For me, I just lived with a crazy lady. I know I know, that doesn’t describe anything. But, at this point I do not need to speak negatively of her anymore. She is a good person at heart but I am still very happy to be out of there. So, now that I have moved out here are photos of what I left behind and photos of what I now have.

Also, my parents just came for a visit and laughed when they entered Dominical. Apparently, I am not describing life here very well so I will attempt my best to be literary and describe life here a little better. However, at this moment I am too lazy to try.

The Old